Navigating Relationships: Esther and Xerxes

God created us as social creatures who need to connect and interact with each other, forming and nurturing relationships. When God created Adam and Eve, the entire reason is initially presented as so they could be together because it is not good for the man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). It’s the same situation in this story with King Xerxes. Even though he had great wealth, power, and many wives,  he still felt alone and needed to find a true partner in life, just as Eve was to Adam. 

As someone who has been married for several years, I’m very thankful to God for how He brings couples together, whether we’re talking about Adam and Eve, Xerxes and Esther, or my husband Elías and myself. It’s a really beautiful thing to have a partner and to go through life together, struggles and all. As I tell my students, whenever two people are together, both people’s baggage is combined. No matter how privileged a person may be (from Adam ruling over the Garden to Xerxes ruling the Persian Empire), we all have some type of scars in life. No human being is immune from this, no amount or type of privilege protects us from it. I enjoyed writing this story about Esther and Xerxes’ experience with navigating their own relationship: baggage, scars, and all. 

Esther’s baggage in the story is clear from her generational trauma of her parents and grandparents being killed when she was a baby, leaving her an orphan to her traumatized young uncle Mordecai who would raise her. As a young woman she is later taken into the King’s harem, and she doesn’t know how her life will be, triggering her even more. It can be easy to see and appreciate her struggle. 

But what about Xerxes? Again, when a person is privileged (such as being a king in his case), sometimes it is less obvious to see the baggage but the reader will see he indeed has his own problems as well, just as we all do. As a man who seeks true love among an entire harem of wives, he took a crushing blow when Queen Vashti made it clear she left him, proving she wasn’t his true partner. Not only was it personally demoralizing, but Xerxes lived in a world where personal and professional worlds are one and the same. The Queen rejecting him was the equivalent of a public relations nightmare, the ultimate disappointment for a king. 

Thankfully, as we know, that’s not the end of the story. We know God brings Esther to the harem and unlike Vashti she is the perfect one for Xerxes, and he’s the perfect one for her. Just like God made Eve from Adam’s rib in the beginning, the start of the human family (Genesis 2:21-25). 

The Bible tells us God raises us up from the ash heap (1 Samuel 2:8) and God’s son Jesus allowed the crowd of people to get hungry before he fed them (Matthew 14:13-21). In the case of Esther and Xerxes, God let them each be in a tough place so when they came together they would better understand each other. Not only that, but their navigation of such struggles helped them be stronger to face more things together in life. Now Esther could feel truly safe with her King and husband, and Xerxes was no longer alone. 

It’s not easy navigating relationships and every couple is different. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by God after all (Psalm 139:14). As my Nonna would say, “Don’t ask ‘why?’, say ‘What does it mean?” The purpose of a couple is to reflect God’s glory and ultimately God working with humanity (Malachi 2:15). The final scene of my book gives me chills when Esther and Xerxes hold hands while looking over the Kingdom God has given them to rule over together. From Adam and Eve onward to the church and Christ, we all work to bring God’s glory to fruition. One day, with the return of Christ to the earth, this work will be complete and God will be all in all (1 Corinthians 15:28). Come, Lord Jesus! (Revelation 22:20).